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Should Have Known

When I woke up this morning in a neutral mood, and MOMD left the house without saying good bye and I noticed that – before coffee, even – I should have known.

When – at 8:45AM – I was saying to my kids, “I have a very little amount of patience today.  And what you are doing right now has spent almost all of it.  I haven’t been out of bed for 2 hours, and I am all ready at the end of my rope.

“Excellent Behaviour is required today.”  I should have known; they should have known.

When we were traipsing through stores purchasing what we need for next week’s camping foray and I almost bought a metric ton of chocolate in each store, I should have known.

When we got home and I made lunch, and the kids didn’t come when I called them, and I didn’t call them again but rather put it on the table and left, I should have known.

When my (newly) 5yo said, “Ellie’s crying,” and I responded with , “I don’t care,” (yes, I really did. *guilt*) I should have known.  I think the kids knew at that point.

When I started wondering, “Why am I not drunk yet?” at 11AM, I probably had an inkling, but c’mon, I shoulda known!

And when I went to pilfer that same 5yo’s chocolate only to discover the entire bar – the WHOLE THING – was gone and I called MOMD to accuse him of theft and causing “a watershed moment” (my actual words) I was grateful that I had figured it all out.

Because man: these kinds of hormonal swings and shifts are exhausting.  It’s tough being a woman.

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Posted by on July 25, 2013 in Oversharing

 

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What a Girl Really Needs

Things have been a little stressful – hectic, even – around here for a couple of weeks.  I am feeling the pressure in my business, baby E has been fighting some mysterious virus and just this morning woke up with her first-ever cold.  Connor is forgetting to do his homework, Sam is still trying to find his footing as the middle child.  MOMD has several projects that are all peaking at the same time and his days fly by in a haze of meetings and revisions. So you know, life hasn’t been the idyllic picnic I prefer.

And as you may have guessed when I wrote this whiny complain-y post earlier in the week, I hit the end of my rope.

And I know: my life is pretty amazing.  I want you to know upfront that I know that.  I am grateful for my partner and helpmeet in MOMD, for my hysterically funny children, for my patient and loving family… all of it.

What I am most grateful for though are good great friends.

For as long as I can remember I have been surrounded by peers who I love and adore.  When I was just a little kid, my best friends were my cousins.  And of course my sister.  We were together all the time, getting into all kinds of mischief.  And then in school I made some awesome friends some of whom I continue to share amazing relationships with.

Have you ever come to the point though where you stop making friends?  I don’t mean casual acquaintances like people you work with but never see outside of work, or parents you see at the school but never go for coffee with.  I mean friendships.  Just you and another person or two talking about your day/ife/kids and being together in the spirit of friendship.  I hit that point in my 20’s I think.

I am a mover and a shaker, I am always chatting with people.  In grocery stores, in lineups, on the street, at the park.  If you’re in the same space as I am you can pretty much bet I’m going to say something to you.  I stopped adding people to my life though; I didn’t take it beyond the acquaintance level after like 1998.  I never thought twice about it.  My life was full, there was always someone to hang with in a bar on a Friday night, I was happy.

Once Connor was born in 2004, I wasn’t really looking for people to hang in bars with anymore.  Lucky for me though, my dear friend Jill had her baby 6 weeks before I had Connor, and my sister was pregnant with my niece too.  We were all on maternity leave together, and Jill had a mini-van, and the 3 of us and our babies spent the year together, going where ever our hearts desired.  It was awesome.

Then when Sam came along in 2008, no one else was having a baby.  I was alone.  MOMD was working a 45km commute from home (which is a fair distance when you live in the economic heart of your country) with a 4 year old and a new born.  I was going stir crazy.  MOMD would get home from work and he would want to take the baby and have bonding time with him, thinking that this was also giving me a break.  Which it was – what I really wanted though was someone to talk to who would talk back to me.  I was starting to become depressed…

Enter the greatest thing to ever happen to me that year (aside from Sam’s birth, of course): MumNet.

I started joining things.  Groups for Moms.  Specifically Mumnet and “Songs by Sally“.  And I mean it: this was the best thing that I ever did.  I established some deep bonds with several women who I would have otherwise never met.  And these women are so important to me now.  Some of them have had other children since 2004, some of them are pregnant now.  Some have returned to work, and some others are staying home.  We really don’t have a connection to each other aside from our kids, but man…  in 2004 these women were literal lifelines for me.  And today, they are just as important.

So like I started to say, it’s not been a great couple of weeks.  MOMD is truly a darling; on Tuesday he called from work to say he wanted to take some vacation time so that I could get the hell outta doge and just rest and recupperate, “Whatever you need to do,” he said.  I had spent time with a couple of these friends I made when Sam was born on Monday and I tell you what: it was a godsend.  They reminded me that it gets better and I don’t have to be the only one to provide comfort; Miss E had a lovely nap on Suzy’s chest.  Tuesday night I met up with another group of women who I collected when Sam was born and man…  I haven’t seen most of those women in a year – one of them more than 2 years – and we picked up like no time had passed at all.  My soul was restored.  I was built up.  I built up others.  We connected, we shared, we drank wine and ate wonderful food and it was…  good.

MOMD can use his vacation days for something else.  It turns out, all this girl really needs is her Girls.

 
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Posted by on October 25, 2012 in Gratitude, Opinion

 

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Oh, Happiest of Days!

On this day, 35 years ago today, something really special happened.  The act itself happens every day, and yet each time it’s different because a new life enters world.  What makes this particular event so special is that this is the day my sister was born.

She has been my partner-in-crime for many years.  I was 3 and a half when she was born and so in fact, I cannot remember life without her.  I don’t remember meeting her – I simply know that she’s always been with me.

Sitting on a chaise lounge, sharing a drink in Nana & Grampa’s backyard.

We started sharing a room just before our brother was born, which would have made me about 7 and her about 3 and a half.  And in fact, we shared a double bed as well, until we each got twin captain beds; I think I was 12 or so.  We shared our room until I was 20 or 21, and my parents had the basement renovated.  I got a bedroom – and a bathroom even – in that deal.  It was great to have our space for sure, and we each enjoyed decorating our new rooms to our tastes (no more armless teddybear wallpaper for either of us).  There were times though when our own space wasn’t good enough: in fact, we shared a bed every Christmas Eve until 1998 and MOMD came on the scene.  She and I would load our adult bodies into one of the twin captain beds, and Glenn would take the other bed.  And we would “sleep” (Amanda is a horrible bed hog) .  We loved to wake up together on Christmas morning.

Me and my sibs, taken in the fall of 1981 on my parents couch (hello 70’s – check out the fabric!!)

When I moved out, we would make dates to spend the day with each other.  We called these days “Sisters Day” and we even had a theme song.  Thy lyrics are “Sisters day is for spending money!”  You can probably guess what we did on Sister’s Day.

We lost our brother together, we had our first babies together (my niece is 10 weeks younger than my son; we called them the “maternal twins”), we each traveled to the UK with our Girl Guide troop, without our parents.  We each have curly hair (although hers far more curly than mine) and often times people ask us if we are twins.   For ourselves though, we can’t see any resemblance between us unless we’re hanging upside down.

We attended the same primary, middle and high schools, sometimes even together.  Of course, if Amanda had an endocrinologist appointment, she’d have to miss school.  Often she would have a teacher that I have had; it can’t have been easy to be in my shadow.  Some might say that I have a big personality and as such, I suppose I must cast a big shadow.  My sister did it though, without complaint, with style and grace and a personality all her own.

The good times, the bad times, the friend times and the fighting times (there were a LOT of those, right Mom?), my sister has been through it all with me.  She was my Maid of Honour at my wedding, she is my go-to confidant on many a sensitive topic.  I can count on her to be honest with me, even if what she has to say is going to hurt.  I trust that she has my best interests at heart, knowing who I am as really no one else on earth can.

She is a beautiful woman.
A bright light in the dark of night,
a loving heart and a courageous soul.

Happy birthday, Amanda.  I love you more that I can say.  I’m so glad you chose to share this life with me.

 
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Posted by on October 23, 2012 in Family

 

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A Red Dress for Me???

You guys:

I just did something rash.  Hasty, even!  I was totally impulsive, and if it works out OMG I will be over-the-moon thrilled about it!!  And yes, I promise to tell you.  Maybe even invite you!  We can have a party in it’s honour!  Oh, that would be SO cool!!!

Wait: I’m getting ahead of myself, aren’t I?

Okay.  Do you know who Jenny Lawson is?  What about “The Bloggess”?  Do you know her?  You should – I’ve talked about her on this site before and I’m linked to her on my “blogroll” page.  Not only that, she is now a published author and as of today will be appearing on The Katie Couric show.  So you know, she’s a fairly big deal.  The best part though is that she’s a steaming pile of awesomeness.

So anyway: she’s becoming really well known for a movement she’s started called “The Traveling Red Dress”.  You can read all about the concept here.  In fact, it is for this topic that she will be speaking about on Katie’s show today.  In a post she recently made on her blog, she announced that she was going to get 3 more red dresses and send them to people who want them, all we had to do was tell her on the facebook page why we wanted one.

I wrote to tell her that I wanted one.

OMG you guys!!!  If I get a dress…  wow.  Will you come and help me if I get one?  I’ll need hair, makeup, pictures, maybe some other people with me in red dresses, and of course, someone to pass the dress on to once I’ve had my moment in the Red sun.

So – what do you say?

 
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Posted by on September 12, 2012 in Randomness

 

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In Praise of Women

An original poem, written by me

In Praise of Women

Her body is
Art
and
Miracle
all at once
Infusing life with creativity

Her mind is
Intelligent
and
Connected
at any given moment
Knowing what is needed and providing

Her spirit is
Courageous
and
Spontaneous
in any situation
Finding joy and peace inspite of fear and burden

She is Holy
She is Magnificence.

She is Love
She is Beauty
She is Drama
She is Emotion

She is you.

It’s been a long time since I wrote poetry.  It’s been a long time since I was inspired to, to be honest.  But this morning I woke with a start to something in my mind, et voila.  It’s born of many things, not the least of which is the controversy spawned by the cover of Time this week.  I started a post on that, and you know, it might still get published.  But for now, I’m going to let it lie.  There are some fantastic posts out there (like this one and this one to point you to just 2) and really, the inflammatory piece really doesn’t warrant any more attention.

Today, I ask you to think before you judge, and to stop before you give voice to that judgement.  Your right to have an opinion is accompanied by an equally important right: to think before you state it.  While today is officially named “Mother’s Day” I personally believe that it’s a day in which all women who care for children in any capacity – as a sister, aunt, cousin, daycare provider, neighbour, friend…  whatever capacity you can think of – to be celebrated for the joy and honour it is to be Woman.

Here’s to you, my friend.

 
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Posted by on May 13, 2012 in Poetry, Randomness

 

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