So, today as I drove across the city (well above the flood lines, thank you) this amazing song came on. And as so often happens while I’m driving alone, I had time to process some thoughts; specifically around parenting a girl child that have been percolating for some time now.
When E was born, just over a year ago no, a friend said, “Daughters heal you”. I thought that was an interesting idea; as I thought about it, I determined she meant that having a daughter brings to the front all those things that are issues I have or things I struggle with about my own womanhood, so that I can address them and move forward.
Last month, I had the honour of being invited to a friend’s commencement from Queen’s University. I was the only member of her “love lines” family; I was seated with her Mom, her Dad and her Aunt Mike. We had a great time together, watching this right of passage… the little girl I have known for so long was suddenly – irrevocable – Grown. After the ceremony we lunched, and then the rest of us left the graduate with her Dad for a few days vacation together.
As we left, I commented on how the father-daughter relationship they have really baffles me. He speaks to her as though she is a child; he treats her like a delicate treasure, prized over everything else in the world. She adores him and hangs on his words as though they actually feed her… Her Mom, my dear, dear friend said, “It’s very special, the Father-Daughter relationship…”
And then today, the song played and tears pricked my eyes.
I’ve been watching how MOMD treats our E since she was born. Watching their connection blossom, their relationship develop. Outwardly, there are no differences between his relationship with the boys and the relationship with her. There is something though, intangible, that is different. Deeper, more open, more… Just somehow more.
Listening to the lyrics Lenny Kravitz lays out, all of these thoughts and “noticings” came together and crystallized. “You are my highest high, you make me feel alive, all I can do is smile, when I look in Little Girl’s eyes”.
I’ve heard it said so many times that a girl will marry her father. I’m sure you’ve heard it too – it’s ancient wisdom. I for one, did not marry my father. In fact, the very reason I fell for and chose to change my whole life plan was because MOMD was precisely the opposite of my father. Because of this, I decided that the ancient wisdom was wrong.
Because of the coalescing of thought from today, I think I understand that statement more now.
The father – in one way or another – teaches the daughter how she deserves to be loved. He sees her value, and he teaches her what her worth is. He honours the Godess within her, and calls her to be all she is meant to be.
Now, when I hear in my memory “Daughters heal” what I understand this to mean is this: the way that I see MOMD loves E, is a reflection of how he loves me. Of what I needed from the primary male in my life. Knowing how blessed am I that the primary man in my life loves me this way is overwhelming.
And yes, Sebrina: Healing.