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Monthly Archives: September 2012

40 Years

On Sunday, September 30, 2012, my parents will have been married for 40 years.

Here is a picture of the happy couple. And really: could they look any happier?? I don’t think so.

That’s a really, really long time.  And really: a super-human feat these days!

So in honour of their Outstanding Achievement in the Marital Arts category, I thought I would list what I have learned from their marriage.

1. You aren’t always going to like each other.
And really, why should you?  I’ve had friends for 15, 20, 30+ years and there are always times when I don’t like them.  I’m sure there are times when they don’t like me.  We are human beings, and as such we can be fickle.  The test of time, the feat of a relationship, is whether or not you can find common ground again.

2. What other people think of your marriage is totally irrelevant.
Man do we love to have opinions.  About things that have exactly zero bearing on our own lives!  That we have no business forming opinions on!  The fact is: no one knows what’s going on inside a marriage other than the 2 people involved in it.  Sure, one of those people may share their side of what’s happening, and you may feel compelled to support that person, and that’s fine and well and good.  We all need support sometimes.  We all need a safe place to vent about what’s happening and to regroup and forge ahead.  Support, however, does not mean telling that person what to do, and expecting them to do it.

3. It is wonderful to know that no matter what, someone will always have your back.
My Mom taught me and my siblings – by example – about one of the most important things in the world: unconditional love.  The power of this cannot possibly be overstated.  There is no feeling in the world like that of true, unconditional love.  No matter what I’ve ever done or said or implied or anything, my parents forgave me and accepted me back into the fold.  I share this powerful gift with everyone in my life, I try to live up to the example my Mom and Dad gave me.  I try to give the same thing to them.  I hope I’m succeeding.

4. You don’t have to agree all the time.
I’ve heard it said that when you compromise, no one ends up happy.  On that, I call bullshit.  Because really: no one can have their way all the time.  Sometimes we get what we want, sometimes our partner gets what they want.  A relationship is all about give and take, and if one person is always giving, invariably the other is always taking, and then resentment forms.  Sometimes, you have to give.  Sometimes you will outright disagree with your partner, but like I said above, you know you will always have your partners back.  It’s a great thing when you know who will always be riding shot-gun in this road trip called life!

I couldn’t resist using this picture. I mean, look at those pants!! Ah, the 70’s…

5. Hardships really can bring you closer.
If you’ve been around here for a while, you know that 10 years ago my brother died.  Many people would retreat and fall apart and leave everything that reminded them of this terrible occurrence behind them; my parents are still together.  It has been far from easy.  There were times where each of them wanted – I’m sure – to walk away from everything and start over somewhere else where no one knew their story.  The things is though, who we are is the sum of our experiences and our responses to them.  What is amazing to me is that in the face of one of the greatest tragedies of their lives, over time, my parents have healed and through the process become better people, and better partners to each other.

I could go on and on: my parents have taught me a lot.  But blogs about lists is MOMD’s thing.  I’ll finish up with one final thought: Happy Anniversary, Mom & Dad.  I love you both, and dream of my own marriage lasting just as long as yours.

This was taken last October, after 39 years. Aren’t they just the cutest???

 
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Posted by on September 28, 2012 in Family

 

Ohhhh we’ve been here before, my friends

It feels like it’s been a long time since I wrote.  And really: I’m not sure about why that is.  Well, that’s not true, exactly.  It’s just that every time I start to think, “I should blog,” the following thought is invariably, “About what though?”

It seems I have nothing to say.

Those who know me would say that this is a physical impossibility: surely Michelle has something to say.  Otherwise, she’d be dead!

I know, I know… I think the thing is, my world is changing and I have as yet to get my feet under me.

I’ve been saying for a few days now that the 4-year gap between each of my children is wonderful.  I means that the older one(s) can dress themselves, wash their own faces and brush their teeth even.  They can find their hats, shoes and backpacks, and even put them on themselves.  It’s a godsend, believe you me, when you’re trying to get everyone out the door for the day at 7:30 in the morning.  On the other hand, it’s just long enough that you forget pretty much everything.

Ellie will be 13 weeks old tomorrow, and 3 months old next Thursday.  She has slipped into a great nighttime sleep pattern (for which I am extremely grateful) and I think she might be mapping out a daytime sleep routine too.  Is she too young to do this?  My cousin, friend, and fellow blogger told me on Sunday that it might be a bit early, but somewhere around 12-16 weeks they really seem to establish a sleep pattern.  Well, she’s within that window then so that must be what’s happening.  What I hate though… and really: I hate it…  is that she will not sleep in her car seat.  She’ll sleep in the bassinet stroller, which works out okay when I want to go for a walk, but today?  Today I have errands to run in preparation for my conference in Ottawa this weekend and well, I need her in her car seat!

But no.  If I force the issue, she simply screams and screams, ceasing only when she is finally finally laid in her crib.  How do I know?  Because I’ve tried.  And wow…  this is a very determined little person.

So instead of marking things off my to-do list (like getting panty hose; which I haven’t worn in almost a full year now and I hope that I still remember where to buy the ones I like) I’m at home.  Waiting.  HA!  I’m in “The Waiting Place,” as Dr Suess described in Oh, The Places You’ll Go!  I’m waiting for a baby to wake, for a bus to arrive.  For the boys to come home, for bags to be unpacked, for the time to be right. I’m just… waiting.

While I wait, I’m throwing my Weight Watchers week to hell by eating blueberry banana cake and considering the merits of chocolate.  Won’t you join me for a slice, and maybe even a cuppa tea?

 

P.S.: In case you were wondering, Sam is just loving school.  In fact, at the end of his first week, he was upset that he couldn’t go to school on Saturday and Sunday.  So that’s a good sign.

 
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Posted by on September 18, 2012 in Family, Raising Kids

 

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A Red Dress for Me???

You guys:

I just did something rash.  Hasty, even!  I was totally impulsive, and if it works out OMG I will be over-the-moon thrilled about it!!  And yes, I promise to tell you.  Maybe even invite you!  We can have a party in it’s honour!  Oh, that would be SO cool!!!

Wait: I’m getting ahead of myself, aren’t I?

Okay.  Do you know who Jenny Lawson is?  What about “The Bloggess”?  Do you know her?  You should – I’ve talked about her on this site before and I’m linked to her on my “blogroll” page.  Not only that, she is now a published author and as of today will be appearing on The Katie Couric show.  So you know, she’s a fairly big deal.  The best part though is that she’s a steaming pile of awesomeness.

So anyway: she’s becoming really well known for a movement she’s started called “The Traveling Red Dress”.  You can read all about the concept here.  In fact, it is for this topic that she will be speaking about on Katie’s show today.  In a post she recently made on her blog, she announced that she was going to get 3 more red dresses and send them to people who want them, all we had to do was tell her on the facebook page why we wanted one.

I wrote to tell her that I wanted one.

OMG you guys!!!  If I get a dress…  wow.  Will you come and help me if I get one?  I’ll need hair, makeup, pictures, maybe some other people with me in red dresses, and of course, someone to pass the dress on to once I’ve had my moment in the Red sun.

So – what do you say?

 
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Posted by on September 12, 2012 in Randomness

 

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New Adventures

Today is a hard day for me.  Just as last night was a hard night for me.  And yes, in part because Little Miss didn’t sleep really at all last night, and yes too because she received 2 injections today and so is not her usual happy self.

Mostly though, mostly because my little man Sam started school today.

The first time we faced the world together

The month before Sam was born, I left my job at the office.  MOMD and I knew that I would not be returning to The Pit of Hell to work for She Who Must Not Be Named, what we didn’t know is that in fact I wasn’t going to go back to a traditional job at all.  There has been so much change in my life since Sam was born.  And yes, change is really the only constant in life.  It’s great to have a partner to face it all with .

That was what Sam was to me.

I am the woman who grew up in the City, a few blocks from where her parents grew up in the City, which was not to far away from where their parents grew up in the City.  The City is in my blood, and I was never ever going to leave it.  I am the woman who was adamant that she would never have children.  And even if the unthinkable happened and I did somehow procreate (because too, I was never getting married) you could be damn sure I was not going to be staying home with the little ankle biters!

And yet: here I sit, in the middle of the afternoon, on a typical work day, at my kitchen table in the suburbs.

I became this woman with Sam.  He regularly tells me, “You are the super, awesomest, most best Mom ever!”  Hourly he tells me that he loves me.  Every night before he goes to bed he asks, “Momma, what are we going to do tomorrow?”

Last night he asked that question, and I said, “You’re going to school tomorrow, Sam!”  He looked at me and I swear he realized that our time together – just the two of us, facing the world – was over.

I was giving him a kiss before I went to bed (note I did not say “went to sleep” because who are you kidding?) tears sprang to my eyes and I thought, “This is his last night as a preschooler…”  So while he is so ready for school, and I am so ready for him to be in school (all day, every day, junior kindergarten thank you very much!), it was hard to say good bye this morning.

Waiting excitedly at the school bus stop

It’s a new start for us both, and he’s now facing his adventures on his own.  He’s ready, and I’m sure I must be too… because we always do these things together, me and Sam.

And… he’s off…

 
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Posted by on September 4, 2012 in Family, Raising Kids

 

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